Welcome to a slightly different version of Not Me! Monday – it’s Not My Child! Monday instead. Both blog carnivals were started by MckMama over on her blog, My Charming Kids.  Not My Child! Monday is where I tell you all sorts of things my child has certainly NOT done recently. Thing that, if she HAD done them, might be rather therapeutic to share with you, not to mention entertaining.  Because if we can’t laugh at ourselves and our children, life’s just not as fun.

First off, Siena learned early on not to put unapproved objects in her mouth. Her crib rails are not approved objects, so of course she has never chewed on them. If she had started cutting teeth on her crib rails, I probably would have tied the little bumper from her cradle onto the top to protect her crib from unsightly teeth marks her from splinters.  And of course, if the bumpers had been tied on for several months, there’s no way she would have just recently discovered about four unprotected inches of the crib rail and started gnawing away, prompting me to tie a pair of pants on there.  Not my child!

A couple weeks ago I did a quick grocery trip for ingredients to a scrumptious Texas Caviar I was bringing to my friend’s baby shower. (People asked for the recipe when I served it at Siena’s First Birthday, and again at the shower. I found it on this blog post if you want to check it out. ) I was in the checkout line with my little basket, Siena on my back in the Ergo baby carrier, when the checker lady announced that the phone lines were down all throughout town and for about a hundred miles around us, so debit cards wouldn’t work. I didn’t have my purse and checks with me, since I usually just slip my ID and debit card into the pouch of the Ergo when I’m making one quick stop with Siena. I did have some parking cash hidden in my car though, so I left my basket with the checker lady while we ran to get it. On the way back from the car, with cash in hand, Siena still perched on my back, I did NOT discover she was carefully clutching one avocado in each of her hands. Nope, I’m not enabling a petty thief at 16 months old. Not my child!

There is, admittedly, some possibility that  Siena may have exuberantly kicked off her less-than-securely latched high chair tray, causing her snacks to scatter over an alarming radius from her chair.  Had that happened, however, Siena certainly would not have made it a game to eat said snacks off the floor *without the use of her hands* while I ran for the broom. Not my child!

(Look closely to see the fish cracker between her lips above)

(For the record, I wouldn’t have allowed such unsanitary manners to continue as long as I was trying to capture reasonably good images on my cell phone, even if the floor had just been baby-wiped clean the day before.)

My child did not give me the opportunity to teach you all, in case you ever wonder, what happens when you drop a metal hair clip into the center column of a humidifier and let it sit for several days until your Daddy discovers it.  (brown gritty water, rusty pitted clip for the curious) Not my child!

As I lifted her up to wipe her bottom, my child did not toss one of her favorite touch and feel board books into the toilet. The toilet she had just put to good use, and had yet to flush.  Therefore, Siena did not watch me with a confused look as I transfered her book from the toilet to the trash.  Not my child!
(And if you are silently thanking me for grabbing a picture after the transfer rather than before, you are welcome. I’m thoughtful like that.)

No, that didn’t happen because my daughter never throws things.  Especially not out in public.  Like in a Gymboree outlet store. Like if she had been carrying around two butterfly shaped purses  (“fwy! fwy!”) and her adorable attachment to them had convinced me to buy her one to keep her church toys in, and she got angry when I tried to get her to put one back on the shelf so we could buy the other one, but she wanted them both so she threw them both down.  That’s the sort of thing she never does.  My daughter would be so thankful I was going to buy her one purse that she’d be very happy. She would not insist on having all or nothing, ultimately getting nothing. Nope, not my child!

How about you? Have you or your child(ren) NOT done anything lately that might make us smile? Leave a comment or click Read Comments to see what others have shared.

UPDATE: If not all the pictures have loaded, (you see question mark icons instead of pictures) will you please leave a comment to let me know? And try refreshing the page to see if that helps. Thank you!